Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
