she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize