Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Randomize
