OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I cockslap morals
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize