The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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