I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
