Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
