I think I died a long time ago.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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