I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
