Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
