All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
