I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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