there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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