why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
