I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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