and you said cock pushups were impossible
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
