You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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