Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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