the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
