Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I could fuck to npr.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
