You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
