I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize