Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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