Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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