Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
