found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
