So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
