So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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