happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
