your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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