also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
