I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
