Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
