can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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