My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
