I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
