Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
