im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
