My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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