they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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