As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
