It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
