addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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