found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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