I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I love having hate sex.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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