dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
