I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
