i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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