need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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