You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
