dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i will never coherently bang her
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
