I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
