i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
