I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
