why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
