yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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