What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
