Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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