K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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