I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
