Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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