I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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