I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
