Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
