I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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