The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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