he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
