after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
