as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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