I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There r osticjed everywhere
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
