Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This is classic penis vs brain.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
