my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
