Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
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