she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize