I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
