Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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