the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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