i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize